Love.... a self suicide

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Why?

Tho its a huge impact for me to accept the fact .... somehow ... im still scared to face it ....

Im really really lost now ..... its hard for me to buy the words from tat guy just now ....

Annie told me that its all abt the purpose in life .... god has planned ur life for u in that way .... and im suppose that he do hav his own reasons for that ...

God wanted me to go thru tis .... but wit what kinda mindset ? i dont know ...first time in ma life im that lost ..... really really lost till i dont even what to do for now and the days to come ....

Can i overcome tis ? ..... i wanted to ..... i wana wipe him off away from ma life ... but its impossible coz the scars will always there no matter what ....
People often told me just fuck it off ... if its tat easy ... the word 'pain' wont even exist ....

I really really wana leave tis place and i need a new enviroment .... just like Sze Mun .... but somehow ... it sound pretty impossible to me ..... i really wish to hav the chance to study abroad ... leave everything behind and start a new life there .... i know it wont b easy ... at least i don hav to hav the pain in me anymore ... coz its really torturing .....

The only comfort for me now is fags .... i know it sounded ridiculous .... but how much can i smoke a day? 2 boxes? 5 boxes? ..... im basicaly burning ma money away and putting my health in risk .... but what else can i do? ....its impossible to look for long term comfort .... i will grab anything tats in front of me tho i know the effects of it .... i know i sounded mother fucking stupid .. it doesnt worth it at all ...

Ma day is always great in the beginning .... but for sure it will b fucked up later at nite .... everysingle day man ... how much more i can take? .... im willing to just end ma life like that and dont hav to suffer anymore ....

12:30 AM

NAbout Me

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20 this year and gonna live life to the fullest

currently doing Graphic Design at IACT ... love it!

LovesY
Tattoo and Piercings
Modifying Accessories and my stuffs ..love doin it my way
Marlboro and Dunhil , Boozes , MAC
Gothic , History , Superbikes
My beloved family and my great bum buddies

HatesN
People with no self respect
Heartless mother fuckers ... go eat shit you fucker
People wit ego problem
Those who cant even b honest ...
Hypocrites...buy ur own words man!
People who loves to judge others ..u think that u r perfect?

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